he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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