I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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