I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
