I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Randomize
