The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize