I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
