I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
