There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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