Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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