You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Less talking, more tequila
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
