Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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