You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
