Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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