You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
