everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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