i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Randomize
