I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
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