I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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