The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
