my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
