Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
