someone get that fucking seahorse.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
