i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
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