god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
