Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
