I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
