Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
