I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
