we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
