there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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