Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
