dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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