if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
