Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize
