last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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