White coat. Heels.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
We need to get me chipped asap
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
