Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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