The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
