as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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