Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
