Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
