don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
