Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Screwed.edu
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
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