will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
