farters have to be the big spoon...
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
