I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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