Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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