so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
