I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
