Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize