The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
