highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I can't turn off my feet"
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
