Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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