yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Randomize
