Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
