If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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