put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
