I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
