I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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