youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
