Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
