I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
