porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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