I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
