A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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