I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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