dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
