Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Are we still banned from the library?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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