Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
