My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
