I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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