I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
