don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I would ride that face into the sunset
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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