i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Randomize
