no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
